gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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