So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
