everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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