the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize