i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
