I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We have started to decorate penises.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
