Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms

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(650): View more from California

so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

(1-650): View more from California

did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"

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(503): View more from Oregon

I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

ur mom makes the best bacon

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

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(647): View more from Ontario

Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Shame - the story of my life.

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