wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
