ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
