In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize