i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize