Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
