my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
