He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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