I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
