Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
