benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
