College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
