If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
