Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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