The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
