You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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