He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i came on her dog
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
