Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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