Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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