It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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