Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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