Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize