we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
