??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
