so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
