That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
