Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
