So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize