well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
