he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize