5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
