I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
