I got her a Nickelback box set.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
