I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is my gift to your gina
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
