Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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