i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
