Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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