so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
