yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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