when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
