Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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