so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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