dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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