you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love black thongs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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