i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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