I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
