I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
