He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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