That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
