as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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