I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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