well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
