So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
