just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
