when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize