I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
