I feel like I'm in dance class right now
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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