wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
