Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
