I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize