i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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