Jerry, you need to find god
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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