Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
