I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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