I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
