I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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