While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
