I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
