She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
