Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
