i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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