There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
