I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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