she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
