holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
