im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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