First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
