I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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