I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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