I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
