I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
