office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
