Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
