And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize