Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My life is pants optional.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
