It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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