bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
