Can Purell be used as lube?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
