Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
