Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drake has all the answers
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
