I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
