Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your cock deserves a montage
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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