I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize