I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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