I just threw up on my dentist
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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