i permit you to call me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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