i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
