I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
