dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
