I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
