If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
