The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
