Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
