uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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