so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
