the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
