But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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