Swine flu is the new snow day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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