he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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