is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
