I'm so fucking centered right now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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