So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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