U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I met the friendliest cop last night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
